Expecting the Worst, Hoping for the Best

It is no secret that the twins have been a bit difficult. Heck, after a full two years in our family, we have still been having nearly nightly battles with them over going to bed.

So it shouldn't be surprising that I had some trepidation over adding another child into the mix. I envisioned Paula making multiple meals every night to satisfy their finicky tastes, a higher level of bickering and conflict among three kids, and the nightly bed war extending from one hour to two or more. I'd steeled myself to the greater demands and time commitment. Essentially, I'd been expecting the worst.

But the worst case scenario hasn't played out -- far from it, in fact. Thomas has been mild mannered, happy most of the time, and generally accepting of his place in the family. We thought we'd glimpsed those characteristics when we'd first met him back in March, but it's hard to feel confident in such a judgment based on a few hours together in a manufactured encounter. Now, after ten days together, the early impression appears to be holding.

What has really surprised me, however, is the way his presence has impacted the twins. Their bickering with each other is down by at least fifty percent, and they appear to be taking great pride in showing Thomas how to be good -- including cooperating during the recently altered bedtime ritual. While I'm not optimistic enough to believe all these changes will stick one hundred percent, I'm definitely excited about the direction.

Whoa, I'd forgotten how crazy it gets...

After a year of filling out documents, making plans, and waiting, our adopted son, Feyissa Thomas, is home. We crossed the threshold of our doorstep last night after about thirty hours of combined traveling (and about five hours sleep out of the last forty).

So bright and early at 7:30 this morning he came tromping downstairs from his room with Sarah, and things have been in a mild to major state of chaos since.

When Candace and Sarah first came home, they roamed the house flipping switches, pressing buttons and going through every closet, drawer and cubby they could get to. And since they were five, there were a lot of places they could reach -- either normally, or by climbing or hauling a chair to the needed spot. We used to describe the situation as "toddlers on crack", but a better description might be "first graders without boundaries".

Feyissa Thomas is all they were and more -- he is very nimble and dexterous, and completely lacks any understanding of what he is, and is not, allowed to do. Just a few minutes ago, for instance, I saw him attempting to wrench the door to the under-stairs storage room open, despite it being held fast by a flip-lock. Undoubtedly, we'll next find our video camera disassembled, or the contents of the refrigerator out on the front porch. The only solution seems to be to follow him around, saying "no" a thousand times a day.

I seem to recall it took about two months to teach the twins the basic rules (not that they don't elect to ignore them regularly, but at least they know). Sounds like it may be a tiring remainder of the summer.

Big Adoption News!

After almost a year of waiting, two fingerprints appointments, piles of documents, dozens of notarizations, and thousands of dollars, we finally heard today from the U.S. Embassy in Ethiopia. They are ready for our appointment to get our son's passport and green card, and bring him back home.

Just two weeks and we'll be on an airplane heading there, and the long and difficult wait will be over.

Off to Ethiopia

I'm off to Ethiopia tomorrow, but not for the obvious reason.

Last fall, Paula visited the south of the country on the DOMA Vision trip. The trip allowed her to visit a number of the southern towns and villages, assist a medical crew, and get a better sense of how Ethiopians live. When she returned, she suggested I should go as well.

We were originally targeting the fall of 2011 for me to participate in the Vision trip, but since our adoption has been delayed by a few weeks, and since we aren't sure exactly what kind of chaos might be in store for us once our son comes home, we decided now might be a better time to go than the fall.

So I'm off to discover southern Ethiopia in a way I might never be able to otherwise. Our primary stop, Bora, is a village in the mountains of the south. The elevation is over 10,000 feet, and it requires a ten kilometer hike just to get there. This is the location where DOMA will be building a medical clinic. I'll be trying to check out the area for possible improvements to the water supply and sanitation. If any reader has any great ideas on the subject, please comment, or email me at tspears62@gmail.com. I'll be taking plenty of pictures, and hope to develop some concepts on my return.

Whew, we made it

Good news today from Ethiopia -- on our appointed (rescheduled) court date, the MOWA letter was "in" and the judge ruled in favor of our adoption. The order hasn't been written yet, but this is official enough -- we are now the legal parents of Feyissa Thomas Spears.

Next step is for the agency to assemble a package and submit it to the U.S. Embassy for their review and approval. It's still possible we might be bringing Feyissa Thomas home by early summer.

Some Encouraging Adoption News

Had a call from our agency this week to let us know the missing letter from MOWA had arrived. This is what prevented us from passing court when we were in Ethiopia a month ago. The court will not consider issuing an opinion prior to the rescheduled April 15th date, but heck, that's only a week way at this point.

I expect to receive notification that we have passed court either the 15th or the following Monday (the 18th). Then we begin the next wait -- eight to twelve weeks to get our embassy appointment where we will return to Ethiopia to collect Feyissa Thomas and bring him home to Nebraska. In total, it looks like this adoption will take about the same amount of time the adoption of the twins did -- about a year. Seems like an eternity when you are adopting a waiting child, but that's the system and there's not much to be done about it.

On a somewhat relate note, I will be heading to Ethiopia at the end of April with DOMA on an aid trip. This is the same trip Paula took in the fall, with the primary destination being the village of Bora, where DOMA is building a medical clinic. I hope to get a chance to see and experience village life in the same way Paula did, and maybe put a little of my experience to work on their water and waste water needs in the village.

Any blog readers who have knowledge of fresh water and waste water systems for third world villages -- please help! If I know what to look for and what to evaluate while I'm there, it will make the trip much more productive.

Close, But No Cigar

We almost made it under the wire.

On March 10th, the Ethiopian Ministry of Women's Affairs (MOWA) announced they would be radically reducing the number of International adoption cases they processed from 50 per day to 5 per day -- a ninety percent reduction. I won't go into the rationale for why they are making this change, or my perception of the underlying issues -- suffice it to say all of us with adoptions in the pipeline are impacted.

You might be tempted to think with a court date of March 4th, a successful meeting with the judge, and the judge's successful meeting with the relinquishing family, we would have made it just under the wire -- before this massive slowdown by MOWA.

Alas, it has not proven to be the case.

After we exited the judge's chambers, I was informed she couldn't issue the adoption decree because our case was still awaiting the adoption recommendation from MOWA -- a recommendation which should have already been provided by that date. I was assured by our agency's attorney that MOWA had promised they would deliver the recommendation by Monday, March 7th. But it didn't happen, and as the 10th came and went, we realized that we were caught in a slowdown vortex.

The judge continued our case until April 16th -- a lifetime under these circumstances. And unfortunately, I really don't know if that will motivate MOWA to provide the recommendation by then. Now that we've met our new son, it is extremely difficult to wait the extra time. Even after MOWA provides the recommendation letter (and I'm assuming there will be no issues with this), we still are dependent on them to provide a birth certificate as a part of the package that goes on to the US Embassy for their investigation and approval.

The wheels turn slowly. We don't know how much longer it will take, but it's painful to be so close and yet so far.

Adoption Trip Number One

Just a couple of days before Paula and I head off to Ethiopia for the first of two trips to adopt our son Feyissa Thomas Spears. On this trip we will go to court to be approved for the adoption, meet the people giving Feyissa up to the orphanage, and visit the region of Ethiopia where Feyissa is from.

And, of course, we get to meet our son for the first time.

I'm excited and nervous both at the same time.

Just adding to the anxiety factor is the fact that this will be the first time both Paula and I have been separated from the twins for more than a few hours. I sure hope they behave themselves for my mother and sister-in-law... Usually, fresh faces get a few days of honeymoon before the girls start to get highly demanding.

Worrying rarely helps anything, but how do you stop?

At Last, a court date

I haven't talked extensively about our plans to adopt another child from Ethiopia -- as some of my blog readers are aware, we adopted Sarah and Candace from there a year and a half ago. This summer, Paula and I decided to once again add to our nest, this time adopting a waiting child.

Waiting children are usually older and male. We were matched with Feyissa, who we will be named Feyissa Thomas and called Thomas when he comes to the United States, back in June. He is supposedly four years old (although we suspect he may be a little older, given his height and weight), and comes from the Hadiya region, which is south and a little west of the capitol of Addis Ababa. Since then, we've been going through the paperwork exercises necessary to make the governments of both Ethiopia and the United States happy.

The adoption requires us to make two trips to Ethiopia -- one to appear in court for the actual legal adoption in that country, and a second time to obtain the child's visa from the U.S. Embassy and to bring him home. Getting the court date established is a big deal, and ours is set for March 4th. The second trip is typically six to eight weeks later. If all goes well, Thomas should be at our home some time in April.

"Everlasting Spring" Provides Hope for Children

Yezelalem Minch is an Ethiopian run charitable organization that helps keep families together in the face of extreme poverty. They are trying to recruit 50 sponsors in 50 days, and our family is trying to help. I've reproduced Paula's blog post here. Please consider giving.

50 sponsors in 5o days... will you be one?

Yezelalem Minch is a grass roots organization in Ethiopia devoted to helping children stay in their families when faced with the prospect of becoming an orphan on the street due to the death of one or both parents. Yezelalem Minch helps provide children with food, clothing and education. YM helps to keep families together by providing support to caregivers. For the children who sadly have no one, they provide a home in addition.

You can give all this to a child for just $30 a month. $1 a day.

For me, that's less than my daily "good morning Diet Coke" at the drive-through.

Click here to see my friend Kara's Smilebox slideshow of YM. You can get the contact information at the end of the slideshow (slide 40). You can also ask Kara how you can receive a wonderful free DVD about Yezelalem Minch... how it came into being and stories about some of the children it is assisting. It is profoundly moving and I highly recommend it. Just in time for Orphan Sunday on November 7!

Why Ethiopia?

My daughter Emily put together a video montage that expresses why we have such a strong affinity for Africa and the problems there. She is in the process of trying to get her sorority at Iowa State University to sponsor a child.

While adoption might not be the right answer for many families, there are five million children in Ethiopia alone who are orphans in need of help. Please watch the video, which is on Paula's web site, and decide if you can help the struggling children of Africa in some way.

giving-heart

Tattoo

Okay, here is an attempt to post a picture of the tattoo. Admire that muscular arm while you're looking!